Hablando with my night owl abuela por el telefono the other noche Yo found out that some creepy ish had been discovered down in Peru…
Earlier this semana Peruvian police arrested the below Pishtacos for committing the acts that Pichtacos are known for, murdering people to drain them of their body fat. Yes, you read right, BODY FAT. The word Pishtaco derives from a Peruvian urban legend used to keep people off dark and lonely roads. The Pishtaco is said to be a devilish vampire that haunts the Andes mountain area of Peru in search for wanderers. These fish tacos Yo mean Pishtacos regard human body fat as a prized gift for their god, Viracocha aka Sea of fat.
Peruvian armed forces detained four members of the Pishtaco crew who oddly testified that they have been matando habitants of the Andes mountain area, pueblos of Huanuco and Pasco for over thirty years solely for the trafficking of human body fat. Peruvian authorities are skeptical towards the information that was freely provided by the modern-day vampires but admit that the gang’s claims could explain for the over sixty missing persons reports filed within the region over the last two years.
The grasa loving marditos even detailed their gruesome formula on how they extracted the human substance. Serapio Veramendi bragged how him and his disturbed teammates lured innocent victims to makeshift laboratories by offering them false jobs, decapitated them, cut off their limbs, hung the dismembered corpses over several candles and awaited dos to tres dias for the fat to drip into bottles. Los degraciados would then sell the human liquids to “European” cosmetic engineers for @least fifteen thousand US dolares per liter.
Veramendi and his mignons were arrested after a routine bus raid on vehicles traveling to the capital, Lima from the alejano towns. The suspicious bunch were carrying postal ready packages of lemonade bottles filled with what they called, grasa humana. Later after the group was rounded up and interrogated by la policia, scientist verified that the grasa was indeed, human body fat.
The investigation is an ongoing one as per investigations director, Eusebio Felix. He stated that seven other suspects are still @ large along with the “European” buyers. Yo guess that authorities will need more than just cloves of garlic and holy water to stop these freaks!
Here’s to that routine bus check and to the victims of these ruthless acts. May the good guys kick these punks in their asses and throw away las llaves!
